Christeene Will Save Us All.

I'm not sure what all to tell you about Christeene besides that she is an absolutely foul performer who is in turn, described as a drag queen and a rapper. I'll dignify the former on a generous day and the latter under no circumstances, whatsoever. 

Watch her live (and the point of this interview is that you can, on June 24, at Nark's Pride Friday event Gender Blender) and you won't feel sad anymore.

This week, in particular, has been the most galling shit-show of a train wreck that queers who live in the United States have had to deal with in quite some time. Anyone who does not believe that the correct course of action is to immerse oneself in the most blatant faggotry possible is not the change one wants to see in this world.

Because in Christeene, we have a savior. An iteration of LGBTQ id for whom the opposition, the indifference and the idiocracy just don't exist. She's a semi-naked, rapping (I didn't say she doesn't rap), shameless monster who tours with two back-up dancers named C Baby and T Gravel who seem to have missed the whole thing about gay beauty norms. And though she may embarrass the living crap out of you on stage and may fling a butt plug in your face or disturb you on a complexity of levels, that doesn't mean she isn't on your side.

We did this interview by email, and it may well be my favorite fake conversation ever. For the record, I sent her the questions before Orlando happened, and she answered them after. That time divide is apparent in this Q&A and I want to thank her many times for bringing it up to speed. 


CAITLIN DONOHUE: If Divine is the deity you pray to before the game, I think of you as the captain of disgusting drag. What other modern day performers are on the team? 

CHRISTEENE: Ohhhhhhh whut uh team! i would have some freaks frum all corners on diz team! Id have Tilda Swinton on da team cuz dat is one shapeshiftin FREAK! an i would have Angela Lansbury on da team cuz when she around people start droppin dead an dat would brang sum danger into da mix. Rick Owens would design all our uniforms duuuh. Patti smith would be on da team leadin da wild witch corner. my dancers T Gravel, Dawg Elf an Chubby D alwaaaaaayz on da team. i would resurrect da 2 fat ladies who cook to be on da team cuz dey would plow down anyting in our way, an i want Grace Jones as da quarterback haaaaaaaay!!! 


CD: Is shock factor your goal, or something that comes naturally through the art, in pursuit of other goals?

C: Shock factor dont mean shit too meee as a goal. if somethin is shockin u then dat means it has awakened somethin wild inside of u, something dats been dormant, somethin that da world dont want u to see. if u git shocked by somethin i doo then u gotta decide if u wanna keep eatin from dat buffet or if u wanna go back to dat nasty same same generic shit tha machine an tha man has been feedin u. Your choice. make one at live wit it.  


CD: I've often seen people refer to you as a hip-hop artist, which I find bizarre. How do you feel about that descriptor used for your work?

C: i hate descriptors an i despise bein put inside uh sum fuggin box so u can digest my luv. yeah it makes it moore difficult to explain diz shit to peeple, but if these people come out to a show, take it in on their own, listen too da music and watch da videos on derr own time....then they can fuggin come up with their own style of describing what they seein for themselves and roll with it. classifyin shit and servin that classification to other folks aint healthy. no one fuggin thing means tha same for a group of people. 


CD: Designer Rick Owens referred to you as his Beyoncé. Damn girl. Who would be your ideal human backpack?

C: Michele Lamy of course. aint a soul in diz world like Michele. period. an she tiny so it wouldnt hurt my back. 


CD: Your music videos are often the best justification for the "drag terrorist" title that's always thrown at you. What can you tell me about your upcoming video for "Acktun Toilet" you guys shot last month?

C: ohhhhh shit it is another fuggin wurld dat PJ Raval an mee created for yall. iz colour. iz da woodz. iz da birthplace. iz da mother. iz da mythology of diz madness an it iz uh SICK FUCKIN SONG dat my baybee Thomas Suire from da band INFECTICIDE made ferr me. He live in Paris. we are so damned stanked to serve u up.  


CD: You seem like you really have it together, so give me the Christeene take on some real life, actually happening to me situations I've been encountering recently. What should I do if my boss promises me a raise and it never shows up? 

C: we seein what real life shit is bein served with what happened in Orlando an how peeple choose to deal with it. ignoring dat LGBTQIA sisters an brothers have been attacked and murdered specifically....usin diz moment as a political tool...tryin to tear our people apart. AINT HAVIN IT. we are da makers of dreams an we shall not be destroyed. we are the holders of keys to da mind an we shall not hand them over. we are the color in your eyes an we shall not be blinded. Diz is real life. We aint goin nowhere an we shall continue to luv ourselves, our people, an we shall fuckin persevere.  


CD: You answered a better question than I asked! In other news, Nark is parachuting you in for Seattle Pride, a.k.a. the highest profile queer season of the year, and all the bbs are going to be looking to make a splash. Please give your best tip/s for high impact socializing. 

C: Jack Daniels.


CD: Who has been the WORST BEHAVED audience member in your performing career?

C: dat man who took my butt plug up off da floor wit a sad balloon still tied to it at Berlin Nightclub in Chicago and proceeded to suck on it like a pacifier RITE IN MY FACE!! Naazzzzzztyyyyyyy!!!! 


CD: I'm ill from this presidential election. How do you survive politics? How can we make it through this election season with the grace of Christeene?

C: stand by your gut. trust no one person or one voting machine. to hell wit da media. go back to da woods an find your people an educate each other. Speak your secret languages to each other. stop killin each other.  


CD: I know you're a Bernie gal. If I could give you a chance to perform one song for the guy, what would it be? (note: I do not have this booking power.)

C: i would enter da stage to 'The Music Box Dancer' wit a parade of chickens leading da way an den I would sing "Pissin in a River" by Patti Smith to my sweet Bernie xo 

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